I suddenly become aware – each day – that I’m remembering some small slight; a call not returned, a comment, a defensive response, maybe just a word, that I could have noticed at the time.
It would have made a difference to how I feel now, but I wasn’t willing to see those things when they happened. My filter was too hazy. Dense. Rosy. I didn’t want to see, so I didn’t see. It made life easier then, and if I let myself see them now, it will make the disappointment easier to bear.
Still, letting go of a dream, no matter how unrealistic, and how unsupported by fact it may be, is not easy.
And so I continue my practice – and each day I have a little more objectivity, and a little less disbelief.
